Stop "Shoulding" on Yourself; Learning to say NO
/Hey Love,
With the school year either underway or fast approaching, ‘tis the season for all the asks to ramp back up. From PTA and sports coaching to neighborhood associations, religious groups and charitable organizations - there are endless opportunities to serve. And whether driven by your altruistic heart, a desire to belong or just plain guilt, the need to please is a real issue.
I know it might feel good to do good, but if you always answer the call for help, you can easily end up overwhelmed, burned out and resentful. You wouldn’t advise your kid or best friend to continually over-extend and leave no time for themselves, so why are you allowing so much access to your time and energy?
Here are a few ways, based on Human Design, to make sure you are saying YES only to things that you actually want to.
Talk it out. Ask a partner or good friend about an open volunteer spot before you commit. They may help you see the wider perspective of all the things you’ve already said about your level of availability. But it’s not just their feedback you are looking for. Oftentimes hearing our own words out loud can bring needed clarity and understanding.
Give it time. For many of us, taking our time with decisions is the best way to go. When asked to pitch in or offered a role, it’s okay to say that you need some time to look at your other obligations before saying yes. This extra day or week will give you some much needed space to feel through the highs and lows before committing to a long-term project.
Listen to your gut. Looking back at all the things you’ve said "Yes" to, I bet you remember the ones you knew you should not have agreed to. Whether you feel it in your core or just have a flash of inner knowing, don’t ignore that intuition that’s whispering (or screaming) “No, No, No”. That connection to your body’s innate wisdom is invaluable and can save you from many a frustration.
Remember, “No” is not a four letter word. Saying no is a way to keep yourself sane and safe. It also allows other people the chance to be involved or step into a role that they may be better suited for and have more interest in.
If you'd like to find out which is the best way for you to make decisions, check out one of my Human Design sessions. In addition to learning your decision-making style, you'll get incredible insights into your natural energy flow, best ways to work, how to find ease, define success, understand your special gifts and protect yourself from energy drains (and more!) Reach out for a free connection call to get more information.
To saying yes to yourself,
Lauren